I know they sound contradictory, but they
aren’t really. And it is what I am. I’
ve written at least a dozen blog entries in my head (good ones too, but you’ll have to take my word on that) over the past few weeks. But alas I’m also as big as a house. Well OK probably not but I feel like it. And it is very difficult for me to sit at the computer (not a laptop) for more than 10 minutes without getting uncomfortable. And nesting… I’
ve been doing a lot of nesting which apparently for me does not entail keeping my blog up to date despite many things to write about.
So back to my being a procrastinating perfectionist, first, I’m kind of a perfectionist. I’
ve got the mindset of if you
aren’t going to do it really well, don’t bother. Unfortunately quite often I feel like whatever I do is a reflection of me. So when I do something I really want to do it right… not half-
assed. I hate half-
assed. (And one of my flaws is that I have a hard time realizing that others are OK with half-
assed). So because of this I sometimes end up wanting to do things, even starting things in my mind but not actually doing them because at that moment I just don’t have the time or energy to make them perfect… like they HAVE to be. So I procrastinate but then it only gets worse. I mean really to make the perfect blog entry at this point it would have to cover a lot of important stuff and at great length too! So then I procrastinate more. So I realized to get started blogging again I just needed to write about what has kept me from writing –the procrastinating perfectionist that I am. And swallow my
perfectionistic pride and do a quick (
ha-ha) highlight of some of the things going on. Excuse the lack of transitions… this
isn’t going to be perfect.
Sleepover - Jack had his 1st sleepover without daddy or mommy! He stayed at grandmas and grandpas from Saturday morning to Sunday morning while John and I jetted off for a glamorous… Refresher Birth and Delivery course and a nice evening together. They took Jack to a farm where apparently Oscar the pig tried to eat his coat but grandpa saved him. They had a great time. It’s nice to know it went so smoothly in case they need to take him for a couple of days if I deliver early.
Ugliest Disease- Yeah, I know nice transition. One of the other blog entries I had written in my head was not fun and light. It is about the ugliest disease I know, that I’ve ever witnessed from a variety of angles. Alcoholism or Addiction. It steals so much. Not only the life of the addict but of those that love them, those that live in that awful conflict of recognizing it as a disease and yet an eventual choice… I have an extensive blog entry in my heart about this, one that will come out at some point. Heck I’ve got a whole book I want to write. But for now I just mention my cousin Joe H., whom I’m not all that close to, but is victim of, a participant with, this ugly disease called alcoholism to such a physically ravaging degree. Sometimes addiction ravages trust and relationships only for a while but with such an acute level of deception that it destroys so much unseen, so much under the surface beyond just the individual in the grips of addiction. Other times, it physically destroys the individual, like my cousin Joe. He’s had periods of sobriety over the last few years but now when he drinks he pukes blood within days. His skin turns yellow, his body shuts down. Currently, he is in the hospital with massive blood clots on both his legs and his lungs. He was put in a coma for a while to attempt to treat him. It seems likely that he has suffered a stroke. Obviously his prognosis is not good. He is in his mid 40’s and will likely die. There are many disease that kill, that cause great suffering, addiction is just one of the ugliest ones I’ve known personally. It affects so much that surrounds it. It is a disease, and yet it is a disease the people have a choice in, yet they don’t, and yet they do. That’s part of the ugly I think. Your prayers and thoughts for Joe and his family are appreciated.
Remodeling – (Yeah seriously there is no good way to transition here…) Our dining room remodel is done! It included the removal of a wall that separated it from the kitchen and the rest of the house, a small addition, ½ wall to create a mud room and a patio doors. We love it! I’m so glad we had it done. I’m even more glad that we decided to do just the dining room for now, as the original plan was to do the dining room and the kitchen. They’d still be here working on it if we had gone forward with that version and I’d be a crazy pregnant woman without a kitchen. Hopefully in a year we will be able to think about doing the kitchen as well…and even a bigger hope is that my ancient AWFUL electric cook top and stove don’t die in the mean time. The next blog entry I need to do (no promises though) is to upload some pictures of the before and after. Then again if baby Joey arrives before that, clearly he should get top billing before the remodel job. Speaking of which (oh a transition!)...
Baby Joey and Pregnancy- 14 more days till baby Joey arrives!... or less!? I’m 37 weeks today and have an induction planned for June 1st -2 weeks from today. Last Tuesday I was 1.5 cm dilated and my platelet count had surprisingly gone up to 107 from 105 when it normally goes down at this point in pregnancy. We’ll continue to test it weekly since I’m close to the mark (100) where they won’t allow you an epidural.
Otherwise, like I said I’m a nesting fool these days. Seriously why can’t they figure out how to manufacture this nesting instinct so I could use it at other times when I need to get a bunch of stuff done?! Then again I do love a deadline. With nesting it is hard to not overdue it at this point in pregnancy. For me I have a ton of energy one day and run around like a mad woman getting stuff done and then am wiped out the next day. Which is OK, since then I usually stop and recuperate. Sunday was more a recuperating day (though still entailed a walk with the boys to our favorite creek and a trip to BRU) because something has changed. I’m pretty sure I’d already dropped but I think baby Joey has really engaged his head down into my pelvis. I stood a lot Saturday (busy day cooking with friends) and when I woke up Sunday I swear the kid is a few inches lower and ½ hanging out of me. You previously pregnant women know what I’m talking about. Something has definitely changed –now when I have a contraction it’s more painful and I feel like they kid’s shoulders are pushed up against my pelvis! Or when he moves (which he does in the most hyper frenetic way) I swear he’s going to poke his way out.
Ah… the last few weeks of pregnancy. There really is no physical torture like it –at least none that I’ve experienced. Then again, this will be my last time experiencing pregnancy and this stage of torture so thinking about it ending makes me kind of sad. I’m not one that has easy pregnancies, not horrible, but not comfortable that’s for sure. But I really have tried to enjoy it and appreciate it more knowing it’s my last. I hope to take the same mindset and apply it to all the struggles of dealing with an infant (not the stage of parenting that comes natural to me!) I’ll miss the little maniac going crazy in my belly. I can’t wait to see what he’s like outside of the womb!
And for a great but brief (yes, I know what that is, just can’t do it myself) little sentiment on this matter specifically see http://heathertyfeatherty.blogspot.com/2009/05/16-days.html - a dear friend of mine’s blog. Her blog is hugely entertaining, full of wonderful crafty things and a great honesty so add it to your favorites when you are done. I stalk it every day to get my Heatherty Featherty fix.
A Little Person - oh yeah one more thing.... my little boy is a real person! Recently I've just been loving the time I spend with him. I know, I know I sound awful saying that, like I didn't love the time I spent with him before or that he wasn't a person before... But now it's like spending time with a little person, one who I can visit with at meals, that tells me how he feels, what he's thinking about and what he likes. And not just in grunting screaming toddler ways, but in sweet beautiful insightful 3 year old ways. I'm feeling the benefits (rather than just the challenges) of having an emotional and emotionally expressive child. I LOVE IT! More on this later I'm sure.
I’m sure there is more to write about (heck I just went back in and added the Little Person part). But this is good enough (deep breath) for now. Hope to write more soon and not just in my head this time!
course I’ll let him grow up because it is so abundantly clear to me that this is my absolute favorite age so far. But now suddenly when I go in and check on him at night before I go to bed, straighten him out in his big boy bed so he isn't sideways or sleeping on top of 5 stuffed buddies, stroke his hair, give him a gentle kiss and then another, I look at him and it just pierces my heart –so sweet, so precious, so mine.
course I’ll let him grow up because it is so abundantly clear to me that this is my absolute favorite age so far. But now suddenly when I go in and check on him at night before I go to bed, straighten him out in his big boy bed so he isn't sideways or sleeping on top of 5 stuffed buddies, stroke his hair, give him a gentle kiss and then another, I look at him and it just pierces my heart –so sweet, so precious, so mine.
