Remembering

Joey is growing up too fast. Jack is too. I mean because Joey's a baby I notice it more obviously and yet I swear each time I go to re-tuck Jack into bed in the middle of the night after feeding Joey I'm shocked at how big Jack has become. Some how having a second child makes your children grow up faster... or at least you notice it more often.


Now, almost every time when I feed Joey and he falls asleep in my arms for nap time or bedtime I get all mushy -sentimental and usually a little sad. Sometimes a lot sad with a twist of happy if that's possible. He's just not much of a little baby any more. I look over at Jack and he's not a baby at all. Well OK when he whines and throws a fit it's like he's a baby still but he's more big boy than baby. But when I hold Joey asleep in my arms, nuzzled against my chest, my heart melts...I tear up. I want to make this moment last forever. At least I want to remember it forever. But now that this is the second time I've gone through this, I know I won't. You remember images and pictures and all but not the essence of it. Not the make-your-heart-melt essence of holding your sleeping baby. Kissing their check before you lay them in bed. Wanting to stop time and just breathe them in.

I remember when Jack was an infant and was having various struggles with him... basically not liking the baby stage and wanting him to grow up, some people would say to me "oh they all grow up too fast..." or "oh they are babies for such a short time..." Well, for some reason I didn't believe it then. I didn't feel it then. But now I do. Oh my how I do, for both of my boys. I want to stop time and just be here, now, with them.